Chanel To Buy The New York Jets.
PARIS–In talks that went on all night here at Chanel’s massive headquarters on Rue de Particular St. Fromage, New York Jets Owner and Band Aid Heir Woody Johnson and Karl Lagerfeld, flanked by Chanel’s top executives, hammered out a deal valuing the Jets at m900 US in cash and an additional m300 US worth of Chanel Men’s Kneckties from the fall 2008 collection (approximately 1.5 million ties).
“I have lost 250 pounds at the age of seventy,” Lagerfield remarked after the deal closed. “I think I know how to manage a football team, okay?” Disclosed objectives include outfitting Jet coach Herman Edwards in “very exspensive” sunglasses and fingerless leather gloves. “Herman and I have been spending time with Andre at my place in Biaritz,” Largerfeld revealed.”He speaks great French and can recite Rilke at length after a single glass of shnapps. We are on the same team, okay?” Lagerfeld added: “I have one word for the Jets: Defense-Chic. We’re going to do whatever we can to aquire that great looking Chris Long at strongside defensive end and and we want to bring back a little bit of that “Broadway Joe” Glamour and Mystique, particularly for our pumpkins at defensive line and our darling linebackers and precious special teams unit. Defense is the new chic. It’s where its at. I am not knowing defesive guys that are not well known, it’s clear? My guys will look great, and they’ll play great becuase of it. It’s four Am and I have an aerobic caffeine-free photo shoot with the guys from The Kills…So…Ciao. ” Andre Leon Talley, who was present at the closing of the deal noted: “It’s going to be pleated Harris Tweed jackets with herringbone organza elbow patches, ruffled peach cotton twill football jerseys by Francisco for Calvin, and bespoke fitted Bottega Venneta silk-rayon football pants with rutted lambskin kneepatches, at least after the US Open. I feel like Mick Jagger in the 80s. Somebody get me some hard shell neoprine, cashmere-lined shoudler pads, with twilled sheer Singapore Polin capelettes.”