Playman: The O. J. Play
"If it twere done when twis done...."
The Scene: The Stage of The Sheridan Opera House, Telluride, Colorado, October 5th, 2008.
The Players: Older Playman, around 5’ 10”, strikingly fit, impeccably dressed, enters. The lights on his proscenium head are on. Younger Playman, about 4 feet 2 inches tall, also with a proscenium for a head, though this one is smaller. …enters and crosses over to Older Playman. They engage in dialog.
Younger Playman: You know, last November, I was at Shea, and I saw something I had seen before many times. It was snowing….the Buffalo Bills were playing the Jets…. and the ball was handed to Number 32. He ran to the right, the Bill’s line cut a hole in the Jet defense that looked like it could be from a scene cut from the 10 Commandments, and Number 32, OJ Simpson, arched his shoulders, and gracefully fluttered through that hole for eight yards in a way that no one ever ran with a football…and no one ever will again.
Older Playman: Wow. That’s heavy baby.
Younger Playman: Then something happened that I had not seen before….the scoreboard started flashing the number "2003”…..OJ Simpson had just rushed for over 2000 yards in single season…an unheard of feat...the first man to do so, shattering Jim Brown’s long held record for yardage in a single season.
Older Playman: He was one of the greatest athletes I’d ever seen. And you, young man, haven’t even seen any of the "Naked Gun" movies yet.
Younger Playman: That’s true…if you’ve ever seen those financial planning commercials where the young version of a guy is talking to an older version the same guy about his retirement nest egg…that’s what’s happening right now. For me…it's 1974…and yes, I’ve never seen a "Naked Gun" Movie.
OP: Well let me tell you…If no-one ever ran on a football field like the Juicester, nobody definitely ever ran though an airport carrying a briefcase like him….you never saw a Hertz commercial either, right?
YP: No…those, too, were after my time.
OP: Well, then you prolly never smoked crack with a well known crack trust-funder in Malibu, and you never heard that fellow tell you that he was using drugs heavily with OJ in the early 90s pretty much all the time.
YP: You know, sir, I can’t say I did. Though I did see Jill St. John smoking a joint in a tin hot tub with “Mr. Leisure” under this building about an hour ago…
OP: O. J. Simpson may be done. His conviction for armed robbery and attempted kidnapping may very well send him to jail for life…and what I came out here to say is that he took the sway of “that demon life” just a little too seriously.
YP: Elaborate, guy.
OP: His life really probably become cocaine, ecstacy, sex and golf….and the giant buzz the combination of those elements can create…a common combo in South Florida, yes, but OJ took it too far. I mean, after…after most likely killing his wife and her boyfriend, he went to South Florida, partied, got together with a stripper named Chirsty Prody, and allegedly definitely used drugs with her and many other strippers for like…years. In my day that just wasn’t what they called Yale material…
YP: I hear you. Wait…you mentioned something in there I didn’t quite understand….
OP:…and the reason that I’m writing this, is that what I constantly see in young people, and what I saw in myself at your age, is too much of a common emphasis on the desire to have a good time…look I’m not telling you not to have a good time… I am, you know, Playman…but being consumed by it is a mistake.
YP: Listen I have an appointment with “Mr. Leisure” and Jill St John…they’ re going to teach me how to start a fire with just a Spring Roll and a copy of Field and Stream magazine, and….
OP: If the greatest athlete in the world can be consumed and destroyed by that….
YP: I’m listening….um…maybe a little bit more carefully now…
OP: I remember being in Venice in a bar by the beach, hooked on Playdough, Serious in da hood Leisure, Pina Colodas with 151 rum and half-priced sushi happy hour at Chaya Venice…and I remember seeing a white Bronco on the tv in the bar, and a guy saying “At this moment…OJ Simpson is a fugitive from justice…” this was the moment that the entire world realized that maybe, just maybe…the jury got it wrong, and OJ did kill his wife and Ron Goldman.
YP: What? ….what are you talking about?….you were just talking about "Naked Gun 4" and Yale…and…what?
OP: Yeah…that’s what I’m talking about…and I’m not even going to try to make a "Naked Gun 4" joke….
YP: Hey…you’re kidding me… (Young Playman would begin to tear up…but he doesn’t have a face).
OP: No, I’m not kidding you. So I am out here saying that maybe, just maybe , a good time can be had without Cocaine and Strippers.
YP: Look...ok...that’s categorically untrue!
OP: I’m learning that its not, my fren….have you heard “Gator Country” by Molly Hatchet?
YP Also after my time… so you came out to say that a good time can be had without Cocaine and Strippers…Know Yourself, Take It Easy Baby, try not to let a good time be destructive to you and your work ethic, which suffers enough anyway, what with the new season of The View and also Gossip Girl, find Molly Hatchet online and cool it with the Tabasco sauce, right?
OP: Right.
YO: Bravo, sir!
OP : You got it, guy.
YP: Look Playman…next time try not phoning it in.
OP: So far, I’m at the bottom of a abandoned mine shaft in the hills above Telluride…and I’m actually Telexing it in….but I’m just warming up.
CURTAIN
Glamwire RoQs #1
Actress Bijou Phillips and Guitarist Pat Smear RoQ, like, the Whatever Theatre on Whatever Street, in NYC, after the premier of the Germ's biop flick "What We Do Is Secret," in which Phillips plays "Lorna Doome" whom we met back stage and who has been reunited with Smear to do a Germs tour with the movie this year. The Germs were the first La Punk band. Darby Crash named "Pat Smear" on a whim in their homeroom in high school in 1977. Crash committed suicide with a big injection of heroin on December 9th, 1980. The story was famously overshadowed by the murder of John Lennon the same night. The movie ROQS, and Pat Smear, has gone through his adult life with the name Pat Smear, and has played with Nirvana, and is an original member of the Foo Fighters, and chills whenever he can in Malibu at his ranch. The other Germs are very excited about their reunion tour, and have every reason to be excited about the excellent flick "What We Do Is Secret."
Super Duper Met Costume Gala
L.A. might have the Oscars, but Manhattan's social event of the season is the annual Metropolitan Museum's Costume Institute gala, which draws bold-faced, glammed-up names from both coasts and across the pond. This year's theme? Superheroes, a fitting one given the massive box-office hit that was Iron Man, and the upcoming flicks The Dark Knight, featuring the Caped Crusader, and The Incredible Hulk.
Designer Giorgio Armani served as this year's honorary chair, while George Clooney, Julia Roberts and Vogue editor Anna Wintour chaired the benefit extravaganza.
Armani dressed Clooney and Roberts.
"He asked me very sweetly if I'd be his date," Roberts, wearing a platinum Giorgio Armani Privé gown, said about the designer, who also outfitted other A-list celebrities, including Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Beyoncé Knowles and John Mayer.
Clooney was taking it all in stride. "I get to have a drink. It's easy for me," he said.
Dolce & Gabbana decked out Scarlett Johansson, who made news on Monday when she announced that she and actor Ryan Reynolds were engaged. Although she wasn't flaunting her engagement ring as she walked the carpet holding hands with her designer hosts, it was probably one of the most-talked-about accessories of the evening.
Jennifer Lopez wore a blue-green number with metallic and jewel trim by Alberta Ferretti. Getting ready for parties these days "is the same except with a baby on my lap," she said. As for which superhero her ensemble recalled: "The only thing I could think of was Wonder Woman with my cuffs."
Wintour wore a black and white embroidered dress by Karl Lagerfeld for Chanel Haute Couture. Chanel also dressed Thandie Newton, Kate Bosworth and Audrey Tautou. Michael Kors dressed Sex and the City's Kristin Davis. Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen favored Diane von Furstenberg. Dita von Teese opted for Marchesa. Liv Tyler and Eva Mendes wore Calvin Klein. Oscar winner Tilda Swinton wore Prada. The event wasn't just a fashion show. There's an exhibit involved, "Superheroes: Fashion and Fantasy," which runs through Sept. 1.
Avon First-Quarter Net Rises 23 Percent
Strength in emerging markets helped Avon Products Inc. overcome sluggishness in North America and post double-digit increases on both the top and bottom lines for the first quarter.
Earnings for the three months ended March 31 shot up 23.1 percent to $184.7 million, or 43 cents a share. Sales increased 14.5 percent to $2.5 billion.
“We continued to benefit from our strength in developing and emerging markets around the globe to more than offset the unfavorable impact of economic softness and service problems in North America,” said Andrea Jung, chairman and chief executive officer.
Revenues in North America fell 6 percent. Business units with rising revenues included Central and Eastern Europe, up 17 percent; Western Europe, the Middle East and Africa, 17 percent; the Asia-Pacific area, 9 percent, and China, 29 percent.
And of Course:
Herion, Bruce, Duelle, alexander, dennis colomb, elize overland, golden goose, hanni y, humanoid, k jaques st. toprez, Massimo alba, Francesco Reanai, Albertzontone, Manueal Pressenda, Phillipe Cotter, Phillip Loret, Caroline Han Lucia Biondani, Claudio Biondani, John Varvatos
Nizhniy Susainiy,Yoyogi National Stadium, pretparis.com, www.livingroomtokyo.com, Tokyo Big shot, jsong, Karen sebag, caetherin Holstein, Abgel Chang. Rachel Roy
Hilary Duff Hits Tribeca for War Inc.
Hilary Duff attends last nights Premiere of War Inc, a John Cusack production written by Mark Leyner and Jeremy Pikser, and directed by Josh Seftel. The film is described as politically courageous and funny, and Hilary Duff puts a live lizard down her pants: always a plus.
